PS. I mentioned the calendar thing at least twice. I honestly believe the Gregorian calendar we’re using is completely out of alignment with anything we live by; it’s moderately useful as a tool but irrelevant for us as humans.

I was born in July. All my life I found something strange about celebrating my birthday: it was hardly a celebration. It took me 26 years to realize it’s not a problem with me, but with the month. July combines several things that, together, are a disaster:

• too much sun & heat
• wild expectations
• being tired; who isn’t in July?
• even more expectations.

This, together, caused the experience to be miserable every single time. Every year I long towards the end of the summer more and more. Not for it to end – that would be foolish – but for the few days where you can already relax after that exhausting summer and the days are still warm enough that you can.

My year starts on September. It’s the moment I shed the summer skin, go back to what’s most important to me, when I regain control over my life after a period of craze. The year, viewed this way, starts with a calm, fruitful period, moves on to the Christmas time and winter, then the tiring and weird spring, and finally the hectic summer which feels like a wild party.

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I could go on like this much longer. Instead, I’ll dust off my old trusty Kindle and try to find a good book on the subject.

PS. I promise not to get existential on my blog too often. ;)

Two weeks have passed since the last time I had enough time to sit down and think. There’s no such thing as abandoning the summer’s pace; my mind just won’t slow down by itself; not by telling it to do so. As crazy as it sounds, I’ve been impatiently waiting for the colder, less sunny days to come. Waiting simply because I knew I couldn’t handle the summer craziness much longer, and the long dark evenings seemed the only antidote.

The autumn days… they don’t change anything at the first sight. Sure, the cold rain means no more summer clothes, no more light shoes – but there’s something deeper; something running in our minds independently of the normal train of thought. The autumn makes us all act different.

I never gave it much thought – at least not until my sister called me today. She mentioned how she just stocked up on food and coal – and how illogical it seemed to her. I could only sympathize, as I did the same this week – my fridge is full for the first time since the spring, and I bought a huge pile of warm blankets, pillows and tea mugs at IKEA just a few days ago.

Even when we don’t realize it, we’re preparing for the colder days.

There’s so much happening recently I don’t even have enough time to write about it.

I’ve got five hundred in twenties
And I’ve got a ton of great ideas
I’m really worked up

I’m on a good mixture
I don’t wanna waste it
I’m on a good mixture
I do not wanna waste it

It came as expected. With the first few yellow leaves, with the last warm night spent on the balcony, with the sudden change of weather. I waited all summer for my world to finally slow down – and it did. It was perfect. Autumn came in the most beautiful of ways; gentle, smiling, maybe a little bit shy.

This extremely hectic year is finally coming to an end – in my calendar, at least. I’m not even trying to imagine what the next one will bring.

I receive quite funny comments regarding my actions. Whenever I undertake something silly, illogical or seemingly complex and unnecessary, I inevitably evoke some confusion. Why would you want to do that?, people ask. What’s the point of making your life harder?

The answer is quite simple. If you don’t know it, learn about the warrior ethos; learn about forging your soul in the forge of adversity and hardship. I’ll quote Michael Mary here:

It’s only during times of crisis that man starts to search for new ways and possibilities.

The answer is: because once you get accustomed to things being hard, it just doesn’t make sense to get back to the easy way anymore. Once you discover you can put ten times more effort and sustain ten times more pain than you thought you’d ever would, there’s no way back. Because, honestly, why would you ever decide to return to a lower position?

There’s no retiring from the good & hard way of life.

I’ve undertaken yet another crazy project which will surely raise some surprised looks.

The idea is: when I first moved into my apartment five years ago, I neglected to do some paperwork (or was that bribing?) and in consequence had to wait three weeks to get electricity. As much as it was a nuisance – cooking on a gas stove, recharging phones at cafes, lighting the house with candles – it also was a wonderful way to experience the natural day-night cycle. We quickly began going to sleep at 22-23, as soon as it was dark, and getting up early in the morning without an alarm clock. There were no artificial means to kill time. As a result, there was plenty of it, enough to paint the entire house, buy furniture, read books, drink wine, cook, go for long walks and chill. It was probably the most peaceful time of my life.

…and that’s why I’ve decided to bring that back. From this year, I officially announce 22.08-2.09 to be a no electricity period in my house.

Before you ask…

1. It’s not strict. Things that need running still run. I could bring the gas stove in once again; instead I’ll just cook on the electric cooker by the candlelight. Fridge and washing machine are still there; I’m not that hardcore. I’m not sure about the dishwasher.
2. What got cut out are lights and electronic devices. This means no music, but also no internet and no annoying buzz from hard drives and fans. I can’t quite remember the last time it was so quiet here.
3. Okay, I didn’t entirely cut the internet off. I just reduced it to the absolute minimum – the router is broken anyway, so there’s no WiFi, and I’ll only use the cable whenever I need to, not whenever I feel bored.
4. There’s no reward for doing it and no penalty for breaking the rule. This is for the sake of thing; for experiencing what is almost forgotten.

A slow life.

I have no expectations about the outcome of this experiment. No matter how it turns out, though – I’m sure I’ll be much more peaceful in the end.

1. Find a good cafe. A proper one, with WiFi, nice atmosphere and no distractions. (Starbucks probably won’t quite cut it.)
2. There is no point 2. The rest will figure itself out.

Just arrived in Łódź for a little weekend adventure. A combination of logistics, cheap tickets, coffee, people and places; although there is an outline of a plan, I have no expectations – I’ll let it unwind itself.

Strange how things have changed. I visited Łódź one year ago under similar circumstances – to see my family, go to some shows, chill out. I also spent two weeks in Spain, where I was supposed to visit places, meet people and get some rest. In the end, even though I enjoyed both of the experiences, they left me greatly exhausted: I was simply too tense and nervous to ever appreciate and enjoy the situation I was in.

Except this time is different. Looks like I’m finally learning something: I found a cafe with good coffee and working WiFi. I’m in great mood and blogging about something happy. I’ve got a few zlotys left in my pocket and I don’t care. At last.

I thought I’d describe the benefits of spending vacations in your home country – but the list was getting too damn long. The topic really deserves proper thought and a post on its own.