My state of mind is weird, but adequate.
This part of the story is about trying to express emotions but ending just looking silly. This part is about trying to act careless when you’re shaking inside. This part is a delusion. I keep trying not to express anything even remotely sad – which is a supremely stupid thing to do in autumn.
Part of my identity is being low-key sad. Not depressed, not melancholic – just a little bit slow – just enough to let myself process everything that’s happening. It’s not a state of malaise; just adapting the pace of life to how my head works. The faster I get, the crazier things get around me. As much as I enjoy this craziness – there inevitably comes a time when I need to slow down & clean up the mess.
The first symptom of the mess piling up is me being unable to enjoy the simple things, like a walk in the forest.