A little more than three years ago, about May 2010, I first joined team I’m currently working with. Looking three years back, I’m amazed by how much my life has changed and how much I endured during these three years. This song – Suppose I Told The Truth by Crippled Black Phoenix – was with me almost the entire time. A few lines kept coming back, and man, they had a certain expectation, almost demand, in them…

I want to reign like my brothers
Command my own ways

I wish I could say that I can’t quite pinpoint the catalyst that caused that summer to stir my life, turn it upside down and send me on a journey I never dreamed of. I wish, but I know it was certain kind of liquor which shall remain unnamed today as not to tempt others. As much as it caused me to open up to the world – it also, over time, caused a dependency and wreaked much havoc over me, my friends, relationship, work and health.

Three years later, and here I am. Three years of self-discovery, troubled relationships, therapy, excessive drinking and subsequent recovery, corporate jobs, experimental unemployment, spontaneous travels, and so much experience it will last me for years. Three years later I’ve come to realize the dark part of my journey is over.

I’ve never felt this good in my entire life. And not just good – but also confident that this will last.

And now for something completely different: my sister’s EP. It makes a perfect soundtrack for a nostalgic sunny summer afternoon.

For the last few months I’ve been living an experiment, and it’s consistently proving me right.

There are certain places on the Internet that are supposed to be inspirational or inspiring. Tumblr, Pinterest, Hacker News and others come to mind, along with endless blogs and websites aggregating works by various people. Amazing works. Designs, paintings, foods, contraptions, lifehacks – things so beautiful and clever you gaze in awe and almost get jealous you didn’t get the same idea earlier.

Thing is: endlessly watching stuff done by other people is actually anti-inspiring. Flooding your head with other peoples’ ideas and works doesn’t spark new ones; it stifles them. The more creative work you consume, the less you produce; not the other way round.

It’s hard to grasp, but it’s there. What you see on all those blogs are products of lots of thinking and hard work. Compared to the final result, even your most clever idea will seem small, almost silly – simply because the work done is the difference. The key is not to aspire to make something as excellent as others’ – it is, instead, to take your idea to a place not influenced by others and work on it alone.

This is one of the very reasons most artists and craftsmen have their refuges, workshops and ateliers. As much as inspiration is important, it’s equally important to know when to stash it away, isolate from it and be all alone with your work. The real satisfaction doesn’t come from creating idea; it comes from materializing it. This is the work – the hard work – that has to be done. This is the work you have to do alone, and every single person or thing supposed to help or aid you will probably just get in the way instead.

The most surprising thing is: the most inspiring things are those you’d never call inspiring at all. The real things. Not pictures. Not books. Not the countless bright colored junk you find all over the internet. The best inspiration comes from new people, events, things and conversations.

The most straightforward way to spark a new idea in your head is to try something you haven’t tried before.

Every time we meet, you can’t restrain yourself from constantly checking your phone and texting. Yet every time I text you I can hardly expect the answer to arrive quickly, if at all.

I think I’ve reached a confidence level where I’m not afraid of my own photographs. Can’t tell if this is good or bad; that feeling has been with me ever since I started carrying the camera with me. This could be subconscious me growing out of some old shit; or this could be subconscious me telling me to try doing something I’m not comfortable with Either way, it’s a win.

I’ve overdosed Lightroom and Premiere. Every day I come home and start one of those damn programs. What has been a pleasure has become drudgery. The worst thing is, I’ve got so much stuff on the backlog I don’t even know what to start first; and every time I decide to work on something I instantly feel guilty for not working on something else.

I really need a break.