{"id":2632,"date":"2017-04-16T23:20:50","date_gmt":"2017-04-16T21:20:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/?p=2632"},"modified":"2017-12-22T23:03:31","modified_gmt":"2017-12-22T22:03:31","slug":"nothings-alright-in-our-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/2017\/04\/16\/nothings-alright-in-our-life\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8230;nothing&#8217;s alright in our life&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>You can&#8217;t decide. Fueled by the pills, your life force, cheap alcohol, and random interpersonal encounters, you carry on. Sad is not an opposite of happy; dead is not an opposite of alive. They coexist. Whatever drugs get you running, they don&#8217;t replace something with something else. They add. This emotional concoction is barely bearable, but the drugs take care of that, too&#8230; mostly. The gnawing feeling catches up with you late at night. Coloring everything with panic, clenching your fists and your teeth, making you promise tomorrow will be different. Guess what: it won&#8217;t. You can&#8217;t fight your demons in the darkness, for they thrive on it. Reveal them in the daytime, though, and it&#8217;s all different: they get all the weaker&#8230; but scarier, too.<\/p>\n<p>My head is full of such pictures; and of bright, searing light.<\/p>\n<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-2632 gallery-columns-1 gallery-size-medium'><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-10.jpg' title=\"\" data-rl_title=\"\" class=\"rl-gallery-link\" data-rl_caption=\"\" data-rel=\"lightbox-gallery-1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"477\" height=\"720\" src=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-10-477x720.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-10-477x720.jpg 477w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-10-848x1280.jpg 848w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-10.jpg 1356w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 477px) 100vw, 477px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-04.jpg' title=\"\" data-rl_title=\"\" class=\"rl-gallery-link\" data-rl_caption=\"\" data-rel=\"lightbox-gallery-1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"720\" height=\"477\" src=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-04-720x477.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-04-720x477.jpg 720w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-04-1280x848.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-B-04.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-06.jpg' title=\"\" data-rl_title=\"\" class=\"rl-gallery-link\" data-rl_caption=\"\" data-rel=\"lightbox-gallery-1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"720\" height=\"477\" src=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-06-720x477.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-06-720x477.jpg 720w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-06-1280x848.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-06.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-09.jpg' title=\"\" data-rl_title=\"\" class=\"rl-gallery-link\" data-rl_caption=\"\" data-rel=\"lightbox-gallery-1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"720\" height=\"477\" src=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-09-720x477.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-09-720x477.jpg 720w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-09-1280x848.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-09.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-21.jpg' title=\"\" data-rl_title=\"\" class=\"rl-gallery-link\" data-rl_caption=\"\" data-rel=\"lightbox-gallery-1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"720\" height=\"477\" src=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-21-720x477.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-21-720x477.jpg 720w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-21-1280x848.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-21.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-01.jpg' title=\"\" data-rl_title=\"\" class=\"rl-gallery-link\" data-rl_caption=\"\" data-rel=\"lightbox-gallery-1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"720\" height=\"477\" src=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-01-720x477.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-01-720x477.jpg 720w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-01-1280x848.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/2016-12-C-01.jpg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p><center>* * *<\/center>https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=V9Ty3YnWN80<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You can&#8217;t decide. Fueled by the pills, your life force, cheap alcohol, and random interpersonal encounters, you carry on. Sad is not an opposite of happy; dead is not an opposite of alive. They coexist. Whatever drugs get you running, they don&#8217;t replace something with something else. They add. This emotional concoction is barely bearable, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[236],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-photography"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2632"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2632\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2732,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2632\/revisions\/2732"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}