{"id":1753,"date":"2013-04-22T01:19:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-22T01:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/2013\/04\/22\/reality\/"},"modified":"2016-03-08T07:24:10","modified_gmt":"2016-03-08T06:24:10","slug":"reality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/2013\/04\/22\/reality\/","title":{"rendered":"Reality"},"content":{"rendered":"

I just ditched Facebook. The plan to deactivate the account was born long ago, and every time I tried I to do it had some kind of fear it would make my life harder. The excuses I gave were really pathetic, like\u00a0I need it for social login<\/em> or\u00a0how am I going to manage m<\/em>y pages?<\/em> It was always hypothetical, and right now is the time to find out.<\/p>\n

Recently I had some trouble staying in touch with the reality. I don\u2019t mean anything deep here – just the usual stuff of work, friends, family, et cetera. The recent trip just intensified this feeling, since I tried to live the life I always did in a different reality – creating a bigger, more noticeable gap. A gap like this creates a cognitive dissonance, a very unpleasant feeling – unpleasant for the simple reason that in evolutionary context denial meant death. In modern life, this is no longer the case – but it still means lost opportunities and wasted lifes.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m basically in denial. It\u2019s easy to pretend<\/em> you\u2019re living some sort of life – and much harder to actually live it. It\u2019s easy to pretend you\u2019re fixing problems while not really doing anything. It\u2019s easy to run without ever getting anywhere.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to get out, not away. Here comes the hard part: actually doing something with my life.<\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

I think I\u2019m starting to understand the motive behind _why\u2019s history and disappearance. Having a brilliant coder mind often comes at a price; and what is a gift is also a curse. I\u2019ve heard of developers going insane – of people burning out and ending up in mental institutions, of sysadmins abandoning their families, drinking in excess and working crappy jobs Bukowski-style just to get away.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s frightening to know it is always lurking out there. How do you ever live knowing that your brain is always ready to turn your life into a complete mess? But then, this is also the nature of our bodies, and the world too. I might just as likely get clobbered by a tram tomorrow.<\/p>\n

Aaron\u2019s death sparked some talk about how we really need to do something about depression and suicide in IT industry. The point is, what<\/em> should we do? How do we actually help people? _why did something wonderful by simply\u00a0coming out and acting all weird and quirky while still gaining a cult following – and even he, at some point, cut all ties and disappeared<\/em> for years.<\/p>\n

Nope. I still don\u2019t get it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just ditched Facebook. The plan to deactivate the account was born long ago, and every time I tried I to do it had some kind of fear it would make my life harder. The excuses I gave were really pathetic, like\u00a0I need it for social login or\u00a0how am I going to manage my pages? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[237],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1753","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-journals"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1753","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1753"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1753\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2170,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1753\/revisions\/2170"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1753"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1753"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kosma.pl\/diaries\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1753"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}